A Real Post

So for months now most of my posts have been about the house. Which I guess at least some of you are bored with. Where are the real posts? Where are the gut-wrenchingly honest posts about my life and what's going on?
The answer is I don't know. When I first set out to blog, I had no idea why I did it. I hate the idea of sharing everything with everyone, not that I have any big secrets. Who in their right mind would want to broadcast every feeling, every thought, every happenstance of their life to the world? But then again, who are we fooling?
So you want to know where I am right now? I'm struggling, but making it. I'm struggling once again with my weight. I managed to lose 30 lbs last year, then had an issue with my husband that rocked my world and made me wonder why I was working so hard to be in shape. So now when I go to the gym I wonder what I'm doing it for and I have all sorts of added fears that it will never be enough. I try to remind myself that I'm doing this for me, not for him, and that I'm doing it to increase my chances of being able to have some healthy children.
And there's another struggle - having children. It's so hard to watch others who don't even try to get pregnant get pregnant when they sneeze. It's hard for those of us who desparately want children and are told by doctors to take this pill and that pill and the other pill and keep our legs elevated and on and on. It would/will be harder after all of the methods of increasing my fertility are exhausted, and luckily we are not at that point yet. But still, I am frustrated and struggling.
And then there is work - but this struggle is only for a time. I admit, my career is very new to me, and I am not even close to knowing it all. That is actually what makes it fun and challenging at times, but it also tests my patience and humility. Because I'm used to being good at everything. And sometimes looking at all of the tasks I've taken on during a coworker's maternity leave, I feel completely overwhelmed, like I don't know where to start. It's not that I'm not capable, it's that I just don't have the experience and knowledge that she does, so things that she'd have done in 10 minutes take me 10 days. I'll get there, I know. When I've been in the business for five years and have some more training and licensing under my belt, I'll look back at these little things and laugh. But today, it humbles me to struggle to do the work set out for me.
So what's the point of sharing all of this? I guess I'm just trying to give more of myself than a photoshow of my house. I love the house and all of the work we put into it. It's a wonderful place which I feel Geoff and I are really turning into a great place for another young couple to get their start down the road (when our family grows too large to stay here any longer). And so much is going well for me and for my marriage and my life. After living in Auburn for four and a half years, I'm finally starting to develop some female friendships, I've gotten actively involved in church and music, I have a job that I LOVE, a home that I LOVE, and a husband that I LOVE. And yet I struggle. Such is the condition of all men in this life, on this earth. And thus ends an honest snapshot of where I am this morning.