No, I'm not talking about my ever growing belly (although Summer would probably love for me to start posting week-by-week pictures - maybe starting in 2nd trimester, SV). I was on the phone for about an hour trying to catch up on the last three years of life with my best friend from high school. Cher's been living in Germany for four years and we haven't talked much or even emailed during that time, but it's funny how with some folks, you can just pick up the phone and it's like time hasn't passed and you're the same good old friends you've always been.
Well, in discussing our 10 year high school reunion coming up this summer, Cher said something about not having changed much, or did I think I'd changed much. And I said I thought that I was pretty much the same as she would remember me. My husband butted in at that point scoffing at this and told me I had indeed changed - and a lot.
We went on to talk about this (changes) at lunch today, and he told me about how much I'd changed just in the past two years. He went on to say that he felt like I had changed so much for the better and that any of my friends from high school would be impressed and pleased to see that the person I have become and am becoming with each new day was such an improvement over who I was. It was a nice thing to hear from your husband. Especially when each day brings with it a bigger belly and wider hips and more bruises from all these horrible injections and sometimes it's nice to be appreciated even if you don't feel you LOOK your best.
It got me thinking about who I was vs. who I am now and I decided my husband is right. I think I was trying to reassure Cher, who probably knew me better than anyone else in the world in my high school years, that I was still the friend she loved and knew so well. And I am. Just as she is still the same old Cher to me. But Geoff is right - I've changed so much. If you had told me then that this is who I would become I wouldn't have believed you. Because I was in a hole in high school. Thank God I had friends like Cher who could look past all of my foolishness and see the hidden potential, and thank God I had parents who despite hitting their breaking point a few times didn't give up on me. I had so many issues with depression and faith and life and family and boys and teenage angst. I know we all go through all of that and we're all relieved when we're past teenagehood. But I sometimes forget that I have more to be relieved about now than some.
Of all the changes in the past 10 years, one supersedes them all. In my senior year of high school I finally stopped playing with God and got serious. I committed my life to Christ. And though the past few years have not been perfect and my faith not 100% resolute 100% of the time, I know that I am closer to God today than 10 years ago and that he has brought me out of so much and blessed me with so much.
So, Geoff is right, I have changed. God knew me from my formation in my mother's womb, just as He knows my baby now. And God saw the road I would follow before I took my first step. And God gave me friends along the way (like Cher) that were able to see a little of where He would lead me and believe in me and encourage me along the way. And little by little I am becoming a woman that I hope He is pleased to call His daughter. A prayer I will one day pray for this son or daughter of mine will be that God will work every day to turn him or her into His son or daughter too.
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