Had I the Faith of Hannah

As the year is brought to a close, I am reminiscing over the past several New Years' Eves. Specifically I can remember this time two years ago, when I was already desperately praying for a child. I was already on the long road of fertility treatments, taking medicines, charting temperatures, going to the doctor month after month for bloodwork. A few months later we would conceive and shortly after lose our first baby to miscarriage. Many months and pills later we were on to more doctors and more methods for conception assistance.
And then there was last New Year's Eve - we'd seen her! Of course, we didn't know she was a "she" yet, but Martha Claire was growing in my womb - Praise God! We had this ultrasound picture showing her tiny heart and its four tiny chambers - what a miracle!
Sometimes looking back over the course of a year (or more), I see things I am proud of. Earning my stock broker's license. Buying my first home. Reconciling my marriage. Growing in character and faith.
As I look over the past year, I feel overwhelmed not at anything that I did, or even something I did with God's help - but I feel amazed at His faithfulness to me. Like Hannah in the book of First Samuel, I begged and pleaded with God for a child. I spent so many nights in tears, but I grew certain in my heart that God would not give me the baby I so ardently desired. And yet - He was faithful. In the midst of my disbelief, He remained faithful.
I hope I will never forget all that the year of 2009 has taught me about the faithfulness of God through the amazing gift of my sweet baby girl.