Tomorrow morning, three days shy of ten weeks, our first pregnancy will end in some outpatient surgery. That's right - we finally managed to get pregnant, something I was so excited about only a few weeks ago, until we had our first ultrasound, which showed a clearly defined gestational sac with a great looking yolk in it, only problem being it was supposed to contain a fetus. We scheduled a second ultrasound 10 days later in hopes of having simply been off on our dates. The second ultrasound (Monday) proved to show only an empty sac.
We're processing right now, but doing okay. One bonus of this situation (if you want to call it that) is the fact that it has made us a stronger team. Geoff has been a big supporter through the last few days, and volunteered whole-heartedly to be my caretaker through the next few days of surgery and recovery. Pray for me especially through Mother's Day and if you feel like leaving me a message, please leave off the part about "it just wasn't meant to be." Sorry if that sounds like I'm being picky or cranky, but don't people think we know all that? We're not angry at God and we're not feeling particularly overwhelmed or depressed by this. But we don't need to constantly here this phrase or its many variations.
The biggest thing that has made it easier was the fact that we never saw the fetus develop, never heard a heartbeat. In fact, in some respects, there never was a baby at all - just a fertilized egg that never developed into more. The loss seems different somehow. The biggest thing that has made it harder is the fact that we are over 9 weeks into this process of feeling and for all practical purposes being pregnant. We wish we had known earlier that the egg was not developing, but c'est la vie, we really are okay.
My weekend with my folks a few weekends ago was really fun. Before we realized the problem we spent the weekend preparing for a baby, preparations that I am still confident won't go to waste. We bought a crib and swing and some blankets and such, and we went through our storage unit and discovered the perfect dresser and rocker, both of which are being fixed up for the future. And my dad helped put some finishing touches on the house, painting our columns white.
On another note, my neighbor's trial has been postponed yet again and my patience in dealing with her runs very thin. I have recently caught her in some more lying (she is hoarding child support money meant for her children) and I am really tired of the situation and unsure about the future of this relationship. But right now I think I just have my own cares to deal with, and I'm taking a bit of a break there.
Well, like I said, not the post you or I were hoping for, but it is what it is. And if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
We appreciate your prayers.
2 comments:
Oh, Meri, how precious you are to us. I did expect some baby news to come and yes, what I read on your blog - I did not expect and was sad. We are sorry for the loss of this pregnacy and dreams.
Amy has had 3 miscarriages and there is a greiving process that will take place (if it has not already). Her first miscarriage - she came home from the doctor's appt. and just fell into my arms and cried and cried - not like Amy to do. She had her first ultra sound and it showed only an empty sac - she was suppose to have a DNC procedure if her body did not on it's own begin to discharge. It did a few days later so she did not have to have the procedure. It was a sad time...and then on the due date there were thoughts of what could have been but wasn't.
God's grace has been enough. We continue to pray for you and Geoff and that Father, God will bless you with a quiver full of babies.
Here I am again early on Saturday morning - just can't sleep late any more. I am so sad to read your news. I just don't know why we have to go through this sometimes. Honestly, you and Geoff are in my prayers. You know Richard and I tried 7 years to get pregnant. Lots of fertility drugs! And finally it happened. And then I did the same thing you did -- 10 weeks exactly! (Just after we told everyone our news!) After time went by, about a year later it happened again -- and that's Tyler. All these years have gone by, I laugh sometimes. I think it will be funny in heaven when Tyler gets there and becomes the "middle child" of ours. He might have some adjustments. Hurry and get where you can start trying again. You are at the top of my prayer list now! I love you. I know your heart hurts. God is faithful, you know that. Be strong. And when you have to... cry. Love you both, Aunt Susan
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