Grief Counseling

I've found myself in a new role in the last several months, and especially in the past few weeks - the role of grief counselor. I don't know how many of you have held the hand of a friend that you have poured your life into for some time and now have to watch die. I can tell you that I never would have thought that at 28 years old I would be watching this happen to a friend of mine.
In the midst of my caring for Rosemary, I found something online that I thought was helpful to me and might be of use to someone else who is walking a path of loss with a friend or family member.

• Companioning is about learning from others; it is not about teaching them.
• Companioning is about walking alongside; it is not about leading.
• Companioning is about being still; it is not about frantic movement forward.
• Companioning is about discovering the gifts of sacred silence; it is not about filling every painful moment with words.
• Companioning is about listening with the heart; it is not about analyzing with the head.
• Companioning is about bearing witness to the struggles of others; it is not about directing those struggles.
• Companioning is about being present to another person’s pain; it is not about taking away the pain.
• Companioning is about respecting disorder and confusion; it is not about imposing order and logic.
• Companioning is about going to the wilderness of the soul with another human being; it is not about thinking you are responsible for finding the way out.

This list serves as a reminder to me that I can't fix anything for Rosemary or for her children and that it is not my job to do this even if I could. My job is to listen and to hold her hand and to cry with her and to laugh with her and to listen to her and to talk to her. My mom calls this carrying her to Jesus.
It is hard to watch anyone die, but a 29 year old who was full of life a year ago presents a special case. She talks about celebrating her 30th birthday and about seeing her 14 year old graduate from high school one day. She talks about getting her preemie baby home from the hospital and making up for valuable lost time. I don't often know what to say when all evidence points to the fact that the number of her days may barely be in the double digits.
It is not that I don't believe in miracles. I don't think it is a question of my faith... I think some things just are what they are.
I have been reading Hannah Hurnard's Hinds Feet on High Places and it has been a great book to read as I walk through this with Rosemary. I have really caught hold of the idea of becoming God's handmaiden named "Acceptance with Joy." It is about choosing to say not that I don't believe that God could change my circumstances, but that whatever He chooses to do, I will accept it and accept it with joy. What a victory it would be if one day, be it tomorrow or in 20 or 50 or 70 years, I could face my own death with acceptance and with joy. For now, I just try to carry Rosemary to Jesus. We appreciate your prayers through all of this.