the view from here

looking around this place (i'm in greenville, sc) i am reminded that a fresh perspective always makes for better decisions. even if you choose to stick to your initial choice, you have found even greater reason that you feel the way you do by observing the other choices and knowing why you don't want these things.
right now, looking at my marriage and the other problems i have been facing lately, being here and not in opelika seems only a different perspective - not better, not worse.
ironically, i have hardly talked about or begun to deal with my marriage issues. it turns out that in three days of counseling i've done more work and gone much deeper into dealing with other issues that i haven't even had time to get to the marital stuff. i'm guessing that these other issues were more important anyway. i feel much free-er today than yesterday, if that's a sign of anything.
i'm trying to figure out this whole thing of forgiveness and of goal setting. i think i'm going to stay here for awhile and continue to work toward sorting through all of this. part of me really wants to leave, but i know that the view from here is a little clearer than the view from home for now.

Success!

It's nice to be able to follow up a post about cheating on my diet/exercise with a post about a successful day. I ate healthily today, came home, cooked dinner (meatloaf, lima beans, rice & gravy, and peaches), and took Colson for a walk. I put everything up and Geoff helped clean the kitchen, took a nice long bath and read some short stories I hadn't picked up in a long time. A successful day.
And still, the doldrums. Tomorrow I have two doctors' appointments. In the morning, I want to make certain I voice my concerns about counseling (or lack thereof) to my counselor. I feel like I get no feedback or assistance with my issues, and I really want some help -- for the money I'm spending, some good help! I am also going to talk to my other doctor about visiting an actual psychiatrist. I think it would be good, since I'm on psychiatric medications and have had a psychiatric diagnosis, to visit an actual psychiatrist. Call me old fashioned, but a med degree vs a PhD just holds better clout in this sort of situation.
Not much to report other than this. Just a boring, but successful, day.

Cheating

This is not about what you might think. Today at lunch I decided I was so frustrated with everything else going on that I was going to cheat on lunch and have Chick-fil-A. I just wanted something I shouldn't have just because I shouldn't have it. This is the way I used to react a lot of the time when I was bothered by something. Funny thing is, the only one who got cheated by me eating what I did was me. I didn't enjoy it as much as I have in the past.
So we're only like three days into dieting/exercising and instead of walking a dog I'm sitting on my butt typing. I asked my sister-in-law to help me out in these situations, but I really am okay tonight. I haven't given up, but I am giving myself a day to cool off from last night.
Anyway, I've talked a lot today, to my mom and my sister, and I don't really feel much like writing at the moment. I have some volunteer work that needs doing and I hope to get to that tonight, but other than that, I'm crashing a little bit. I've got a project in mind that I hope to get started on this weekend, and I'm going to let myself think about what I need in order to accomplish it, but other than that, I just want to chill...

Stone (last but CERTAINLY not least)

How neat is it that I am aunt to my sister's daughter and my brother's son? This little guy is all smiles and laughter, a true joy to have around. He's such a neat blend of his mom and dad. I can't wait to hear him really start to laugh as he grows up - I want to know if he has an Eddie Murphy laugh like his daddy.

Kevin and Shelby weren't quite as prepared for this whole baby thing I think, but Stone seems to be the perfect baby for them. He's so laid back and easy going, but they're probably reading this and laughing. In the beginning everyone said that Mercy was so much more demanding, but I've heard tell from my folks that Stone's beginning to assert himself a little more. Still, what an adorable little boy, my nephew Livingstone.

Mercy

Mercy and I have had a bunch of bonding experiences - baths apparently are no exception. I remember giving her a bath when she was only about 5-6 weeks old, and here we are together taking a bath at Aunt Susan's and Uncle Richard's in the jacuzzi tub. Boy Mercy loved that (although Geoff says in this picture I look like I'm enjoying it more).
I was there the day Mercy was born. There is something very significant about my connection to my sister's daughter. Gini even sometimes says that she had my child, because Mercy and I share some similarities. I mean come on - the child's first word was "puh-puh" (puppy). I became an aunt when I married Geoff, but I became Aunt Minnah when Mercy came into the world.

Sara

This picture isn't quite as recent as today. It was taken back in May, but close enough. Sara's a total beauty! She makes me think of snow white with her red lips and dark hair and eyes. Her uncle Geoff is completely enamored with her. Since she came along, he talks more about having a daughter than a son.
I was there three days after Sara was born. I was there again when she was back in the hospital as an infant. My first neice, she has a close place in my heart. Stubborn and willful, she's gonna be a handful, but what a beautiful sweet little thing she is when she's not throwing a tantrum!