A New Bed for Soo

After receiving a well-intentioned jab from my husband about the size of Soozie's old bed (something about a saccharin tablet - a bit of an exaggeration), I went to Petco to see what was on sale. I came home with a big pink cordoroy bed for Soozie, less than 1/2 price! She has hardly gotten off the thing since I brought it home and she bares her teeth at Colson if he gets too close. (We're going to work on that). :)
In other news, I'm still fighting this cold (end of week three now!), but doing much better. Geoff is a little sick with it too, so what a fun pair we make for the moment. And once again, I'm working on decorating projects at the house - new curtains, new paint, new wallpaper - you never know what will be different each time you visit! It's just like going to my grandmother's house, the decor is constantly changing...

A Prayer for Rosemary

"This I call to mind and therefore I have hope: because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness... The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him... For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love." ~ from Lamentations chapter 3.

I have found that the more I seek to show God's love to a friend, the more God seeks to show His love to me. The truths that I feel my friend needs to hear are those that God uses to minister to me.

My friend Rosemary is in jail for murder. It is a murder that I do not believe she committed, but a murder I do believe she caused. When she and her family moved in next door to us around two and a half years ago, I had no idea that this is what the future would hold. I saw four beautiful children and a single mom, being supported by a much older boyfriend. I experienced a call to minister to this disjointed family, and my husband and I answered that call - forming a friendship that ebbed and flowed through the following two years.

When the family moved away last August, we vowed to keep in touch. Little did we know that within a week of their move, we would be keeping in touch with Rosemary behind bars. With Rosemary suspected of murder, I knew that she would be very alone, and that I had a choice to make about my continued responsibility in her life.

At first I wasn't certain whether I was being an ungodly onlooker in business that was better off without me. I have a great disgust of this tendency in all of us, myself included - that we are drawn to other's suffering. If you look within yourself or others you know, I think you will see this tendency. It is akin to gossip. We like to be experts on other people's grief. It's amazing how when someone has a tragedy, there are suddenly "friends" present who we'd never known before. I think we do this because we like the way that others look at us when we are so compassionate and kind. It sickens me when I discover it in myself.

However, regardless of whether this was what initially drew me to continue my contact with Rosemary, I sincerely believed that God had not released me from this friendship. Over the last six months, I can see not only confirmation that God wanted me to remain in contact with her, but I can also see some of what He is choosing to do through this friendship.

For example, I do not tell folks "I'll pray for you" very often. It is a promise I hesitate to make, because it is not a light thing to say. I believe you make a commitment before God when you speak those words, and that far too many people use them far too lightly. These words often even become a blanket excuse, as if promising to pray for someone negates your Christian obligation of charity, as if when you pray you no longer need to help others to meet their physical needs. But I told Rosemary I would pray.

I can only thank God that I made that promise to Rosemary, because there have been events in the past six months that have threatened my often unsteady prayer life. Sometimes Rosemary is the reason that I pray. And I believe that God is using her to minister to me, while He uses me to minister to her.

Rosemary reminds me of my own guilt before Him, and of His great compassion for me. And when I speak the truth to her, like God's promises in Lamentations, that He does not cast us off forever, my faith is strengthened. The more I try to help her to believe, the more I believe.

So tonight I encourage you to commit yourself to pray for someone you love. When you can't love yourself enough to pray for your own needs, maybe lifting up someone else to God, even if the words feel like an empty fulfillment of an obligation, maybe God will use that to change your heart. Voicing someone else's hurts can give you an opening to voice your own. I'm still struggling to speak to God about my hurts, my anger, my fear, my pain, my desires, my needs, but tonight I will start my prayers with Rosemary; and if God can heal her, He can heal me too.

Out Sick

So apparently everyone I blog with is having this same post. I have a cold. What's funny about the cold is this:
When I got up this morning, I realized I was no good for working, so I went back to sleep, setting the alarm for 7:45. At 7:45 I got up again and went to email my boss to say I wouldn't be in. I had an email from my boss saying he wouldn't be in because he had developed a cold. So I had to call him and tell him I was sick as well and we both sounded the same. Which turned into a conversation about who gave whom the cold, etc.
The truth of the matter is, we both got the cold because we've been trying to split three jobs between the two of us. My co-worker is probably reading this saying - hey don't blame me or just feeling bad she's not around to help, but seriously, things have been crazy busy at good ol' FFG. It was probably just time for both my boss and I to take a break and rest.
So I'm home today, resting. And by the way - check out the February recipe - it's so tasty and so easy!

A Real Post

So for months now most of my posts have been about the house. Which I guess at least some of you are bored with. Where are the real posts? Where are the gut-wrenchingly honest posts about my life and what's going on?
The answer is I don't know. When I first set out to blog, I had no idea why I did it. I hate the idea of sharing everything with everyone, not that I have any big secrets. Who in their right mind would want to broadcast every feeling, every thought, every happenstance of their life to the world? But then again, who are we fooling?
So you want to know where I am right now? I'm struggling, but making it. I'm struggling once again with my weight. I managed to lose 30 lbs last year, then had an issue with my husband that rocked my world and made me wonder why I was working so hard to be in shape. So now when I go to the gym I wonder what I'm doing it for and I have all sorts of added fears that it will never be enough. I try to remind myself that I'm doing this for me, not for him, and that I'm doing it to increase my chances of being able to have some healthy children.
And there's another struggle - having children. It's so hard to watch others who don't even try to get pregnant get pregnant when they sneeze. It's hard for those of us who desparately want children and are told by doctors to take this pill and that pill and the other pill and keep our legs elevated and on and on. It would/will be harder after all of the methods of increasing my fertility are exhausted, and luckily we are not at that point yet. But still, I am frustrated and struggling.
And then there is work - but this struggle is only for a time. I admit, my career is very new to me, and I am not even close to knowing it all. That is actually what makes it fun and challenging at times, but it also tests my patience and humility. Because I'm used to being good at everything. And sometimes looking at all of the tasks I've taken on during a coworker's maternity leave, I feel completely overwhelmed, like I don't know where to start. It's not that I'm not capable, it's that I just don't have the experience and knowledge that she does, so things that she'd have done in 10 minutes take me 10 days. I'll get there, I know. When I've been in the business for five years and have some more training and licensing under my belt, I'll look back at these little things and laugh. But today, it humbles me to struggle to do the work set out for me.
So what's the point of sharing all of this? I guess I'm just trying to give more of myself than a photoshow of my house. I love the house and all of the work we put into it. It's a wonderful place which I feel Geoff and I are really turning into a great place for another young couple to get their start down the road (when our family grows too large to stay here any longer). And so much is going well for me and for my marriage and my life. After living in Auburn for four and a half years, I'm finally starting to develop some female friendships, I've gotten actively involved in church and music, I have a job that I LOVE, a home that I LOVE, and a husband that I LOVE. And yet I struggle. Such is the condition of all men in this life, on this earth. And thus ends an honest snapshot of where I am this morning.

The Post You've All Been Waiting For

Make a slideshow - it's easy!