Finding Purpose in Insomnia

So last night was another night where I couldn't sleep. For that matter, a particularly sleepless night. I went to bed with a heavy heart - thinking about so many matters affecting me, my daughter yet to be born, my family, others that I love. I found myself trying to sort through all sorts of situations and judge what the best thing to do, all, mind you, with a brain groggy with tiredness and compounded with the fatigue of pregnancy. And then I was reminded of something from A.W. Tozer's "The Pursuit of God":

"We are often hindered from giving up our treasures to the Lord out of fear for their safety. This is especailly true when those treasures are loved relatives and friends. But we need have no such fears. Our Lord came not to destroy but to save. Everything is safe which we commit to Him, and nothing is really safe which is not so committed."

I am thinking of something from the first Harry Potter book, which will probably ruin this post for some of you out there, but it works for me so I'm going to use it. Hagrid tells Harry that there's no safer place to keep something than Gringotts Bank, except perhaps Hogwarts. I find that I so often settle for Gringotts constantly, forgetting that Hogwarts is even an option when it comes to protecting what I love.
I have an ongoing battle with anxiety. Lately this has been really evident as I worry about the impending delivery of my baby, about my parents moving even further away than they have been living from me, about jobs and other situations for family and friends who are struggling, about a friend who is dying and the beautiful family she will leave behind her. And I forget that I have the awesome privilege, that God Himself has invited us to cast all of our cares upon Him.
Last night I lay awake thinking about how my dad's heart could not possibly stand up to the beating it takes to work an incessant 70 hour week at his age with his condition. And I remembered that passage from Tozer - about everything that we commit to God is really safe, and anything we don't isn't. And I committed my dad to God, asking Him to strengthen His heart and to provide him with peace and comfort and everything he needs to make it through this time, including the knowledge that for whatever reason, this is where God has him for now and he can rely on God to get him through. And this morning, after getting a few winks, I made sure my dad knew that I had done that - I valued him enough to put him somewhere I knew he was completely safe.
And one by one, I plan to cast my cares on God, because He cares for me. I encourage you to do the same - there ain't no place safer, not even Hogwarts. :)

The Three H's of the Third Trimester

Huge Feet - Ahh the joys of have a late August baby - my feet continue to swell, but as long as I stay off of them I can get the swelling down most days. Somedays it's just the tops of my feet, somedays more in my ankles. I've even had a day or two where I have just little sausage toes. The worst days are those when the swelling stretches up my calves and my legs feel taut and tight and terrible!
High Blood Pressure - At first I was really paying more attention to that top number as it climbed at every appointment. From the low 100's to 117 to 127 to 134 to 146. Now I'm noticing that bottom number coming up from it's normal upper 70's to now the upper 90's. Not great, I know and part of what contributes to the Huge Feet. Last week I had to go to the hospital for monitoring after my doctor's appointment, spending several hours listening to Claire's heartbeat and monitoring her movements, but we managed to get the blood pressure back down and I was released. This week they decided not to do that again, but sent me home to lay on my left side as much as possible - which is basically what the hospital told me to do last week. So I am on "activity restriction" but not full bed rest, which is okay. I can still work and have reduced my schedule to 20 hours which should help me stay off of my feet even more.
Hypoglycemia - Now this one was not what you were expecting. Initially I might have talked about Heparin, which I still have another week to go on. Or I could have mentioned headaches, which seem to go with the Huge Feet and High Blood Pressure. And I probably should have said something about Heartburn, which is one of the most terrible aspects of the last trimester. But today's appointment unearthed this new one - low blood sugar created by one of my medicines, which I am now free to stop taking. I had a collapsing episode over the weekend which appears to be linked to my blood sugar dropping too low. This also explains why my stomach has seemed like a bottomless pit over the last several weeks so that in 3 weeks I have gained 8 lbs, the most gained at any one point in my whole pregnancy. I should see some relief from the hunger and just general nausea and malaise caused by the medicine-induced Hypoglycemia in a few days of being off the meds.
So that's the report for the moment. No signs of impending labor at this point. We're probably still 3 to 4 weeks away at least...

34 Week Picture

As promised, here's a 34 week belly picture. I don't have any real updates to post at the moment. My next doctor's appointment is next week and I go once a week until she gets here, which will hopefully be pretty soon. I'm taking it easy and resting when I can which usually means sometime other than at night.

This last stage of pregnancy reminds me of being on Clomid. I am incredibly irritable, having hot flashes and headaches and insomnia, and just overall feel very hormonal. Geoff's hanging in there like a real trooper. We started our birthing class last week. Claire gets the hiccups about four times a day or more still and she's also still plenty active. I had two showers last week and now the showers are done. I just have a little more washing and organizing to do, but I'm holding out for that nesting instinct to kick in, because I just don't feel like doing anything right now. Mom and I got some good sewing done last week including making my own hospital gown. We didn't have as much time together as we'd have liked, so she took projects home to finish.

So from here on out I plan to post pictures at 36 38 and 40 weeks depending on when Claire comes. We'll see if I start looking any bigger - everybody keeps saying I'm small to be due in less than 6 weeks...

Don't Look a Gyn-Nurse in the Mouth and other Stories...

From April of 2008
(I arrive at the doctor's office and am taken back to the weigh-in and vitals area.)

Nurse: Have you felt the baby move at all?
Me: Um, what?!? I miscarried and had a D&C last week.
Nurse: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't read your chart.

From July of 2009
(I call the doctor's office because they haven't called me about bloodwork they had run last week regarding medications and some potential problems with blood platelets/anemia and such.)

Day 1 Call 1
Nurse 1: Hi, I had a note to call you but wasn't sure why.
Me: Well, I had bloodwork done last Wednesday and hadn't heard back. I continue to feel pretty cruddy and wanted to know if you could tell me what the bloodwork says.
Nurse 1: Hmm, what labs were these? I see some tests for you in April...
Me: (again) I had several tests run last Wednesday, July 8th.
Nurse 1: What sort of tests, do you know?
Me: Blood platelet count, anemia test and something with my thyroid. I have been having problems with fatigue and headaches and I'm a heparin patient so the doctor wanted to check several things.
Nurse 1: (again) Well I see test results for you in April. I don't see anything else.
Me: Well you took several vials of blood from me last week and I'm feeling pretty cruddy. Can you please have the doctor call me with the results of the bloodwork today?
Nurse 1: I'll have to have someone call you. I can't locate the bloodwork.
(NOONE CALLS)

Day 2 Call 2
(Call occurs an hour and a half after I called the office to ask why no one had called me.)

Nurse 2: Hi, I had a note to call you, but I wasn't sure why. Can you tell me what's going on?
Me: Well, I called earlier because I was told yesterday that your office had misplaced some bloodwork for me and no one called me back even though they said they would.
Nurse 2: Someone misplaced your bloodwork?
Me: That's what I was told.
Nurse 2: Well, what sort of tests did you have run? Wait - I see a thyroid test from last week - is that what you're looking for?
Me: That was one of the tests.
Nurse 2: Everything looks good on this test. Your thyroid looks good.
Me: Well I had two other tests run at the same time - a blood platelet count and a test for anemia/iron.
Nurse 2: Oh - I see those too. Everything looks good. Platelet count is normal, red blood cell and white blood cells are all normal and fine.
Me: And that's all on my chart - I wonder why the nurse yesterday said they had misplaced the bloodwork?
Nurse 2: I'm not sure. Is that all you needed?
Me: Well, I'm glad everything checks out as far as the bloodwork is concerned, but I'm still having a real problem with headaches. I've been taking Tylenol every 4 hours but can't seem to make them go away.
Nurse 2: Do you have a regular physician you could call?
Me: Well I suppose I could do that.
Nurse 2: Are you on birth control?
[Crickets chirp for 10 seconds]
Me: I AM EIGHT MONTHS PREGNANT!
Nurse 2: Oh, I didn't read your chart before I called.
Me: Obviously. Well, thanks anyway. Click.

Day 2 Call 3
(Occurs about 5 minutes after I hung up with the last nurse)
Nurse 3: Hi this is {name} from your doctor's office. Are you okay, hon?
Me: Well, I guess so. I'm really frustrated with how I've been handled by your nursing staff.
Nurse 3: Well I can understand that. This is certainly not the kind of service we want to be known for. Do you want me to work you in today? You can see another doctor this afternoon.
Me: The bloodwork was normal and the baby is moving and seems to be doing great, so I guess not. I don't think there's anything that can be done for these headaches. They appear to be blood pressure related and since I'm not pre-eclampsic I guess I'll just ride it out.
Nurse 3: I would like to work you in if it would make you feel better. In the meanwhile put your feet up and reduce your stress. Call me in the morning and ask for me by name if you're still not feeling well.
Me: Okay, thanks.

*SIGH* This can't just be me, can it???

Finally - Shower Pictures

Make a Smilebox photobook