Ch-ch-ch-changes

No, I'm not talking about my ever growing belly (although Summer would probably love for me to start posting week-by-week pictures - maybe starting in 2nd trimester, SV). I was on the phone for about an hour trying to catch up on the last three years of life with my best friend from high school. Cher's been living in Germany for four years and we haven't talked much or even emailed during that time, but it's funny how with some folks, you can just pick up the phone and it's like time hasn't passed and you're the same good old friends you've always been.
Well, in discussing our 10 year high school reunion coming up this summer, Cher said something about not having changed much, or did I think I'd changed much. And I said I thought that I was pretty much the same as she would remember me. My husband butted in at that point scoffing at this and told me I had indeed changed - and a lot.
We went on to talk about this (changes) at lunch today, and he told me about how much I'd changed just in the past two years. He went on to say that he felt like I had changed so much for the better and that any of my friends from high school would be impressed and pleased to see that the person I have become and am becoming with each new day was such an improvement over who I was. It was a nice thing to hear from your husband. Especially when each day brings with it a bigger belly and wider hips and more bruises from all these horrible injections and sometimes it's nice to be appreciated even if you don't feel you LOOK your best.
It got me thinking about who I was vs. who I am now and I decided my husband is right. I think I was trying to reassure Cher, who probably knew me better than anyone else in the world in my high school years, that I was still the friend she loved and knew so well. And I am. Just as she is still the same old Cher to me. But Geoff is right - I've changed so much. If you had told me then that this is who I would become I wouldn't have believed you. Because I was in a hole in high school. Thank God I had friends like Cher who could look past all of my foolishness and see the hidden potential, and thank God I had parents who despite hitting their breaking point a few times didn't give up on me. I had so many issues with depression and faith and life and family and boys and teenage angst. I know we all go through all of that and we're all relieved when we're past teenagehood. But I sometimes forget that I have more to be relieved about now than some.
Of all the changes in the past 10 years, one supersedes them all. In my senior year of high school I finally stopped playing with God and got serious. I committed my life to Christ. And though the past few years have not been perfect and my faith not 100% resolute 100% of the time, I know that I am closer to God today than 10 years ago and that he has brought me out of so much and blessed me with so much.
So, Geoff is right, I have changed. God knew me from my formation in my mother's womb, just as He knows my baby now. And God saw the road I would follow before I took my first step. And God gave me friends along the way (like Cher) that were able to see a little of where He would lead me and believe in me and encourage me along the way. And little by little I am becoming a woman that I hope He is pleased to call His daughter. A prayer I will one day pray for this son or daughter of mine will be that God will work every day to turn him or her into His son or daughter too.

There's an Alien in my Womb...

These pictures are going to be very difficult to make out. Just note that they're all the same scale, so at the very least, you can appreciate that the little baby is growing at a rapid rate.

Picture #1 (above) at 5 weeks 6 days shows a tiny little bright speck (the baby's heart) between the two x's. We could see it pulsing - like a light bulb growing bright then dim then bright then dim. It was a neat experience. I thought it would make it seem real and make me less afraid that the baby wouldn't make it, but as neat as it was, it still didn't quite sink in that we were basically out of the woods.
Picture #2 didn't turn out very clearly, but note that this week (6 weeks 6 days - exactly one week after the first picture), I could make out two distinct chambers of the heart. I could also kind of see a hint of leg and arm buds (I think). The heartbeat was very strong and fast and the nurse suggested that I go ahead and schedule the exit interview with my doctor for the following week, because in her opinion the baby was out of the woods.

And finally - today - officially 8 weeks. Can you make out the little gummy bear? At least, that's what he or she looks like in this picture. A big head with some dark eyes and little tiny arms and legs. The baby is shown here from the side facing downward (if you need help figuring out this picture). Today we saw four distinct chambers of the heart which was beating strongly and clear. We had our final appointment with the ART fertility clinic and before we were released were told to breathe a big sigh of relief and know that we had less than a 5% chance of miscarriage - as good as it's going to get before we hold the baby in our arms in August.

So this was the last picture I can post of the alien in my womb until our 12 week ultrasound, so about a month from now. At that point the baby will look just like a baby should and will be 3 to 4 inches long, so I think I'll be able to show him or her to you without so many pointers in how to view the picture. For the meantime, I thought you would enjoy seeing our little gummy bear (although it's bigger than a grape so technically for a gummy bear, it's a big gummy bear)!

Seven Weeks Plus...

I had my seven week ultrasound on Monday. See, going through fertility treatments has its advantages - like getting to see my baby every week for the first little bit. It certainly reassures me after my miscarriage to be able to see that little baby grow and grow and his or her little heart ticking stronger and stronger. So it's a little bittersweet that everything's going so well, because my fertility doctor has decided the chance of miscarriage has dropped so low that he's ready to release me to the regular OB.
Geoff and I go for our last appointment and Ultrasound with the ART clinic on Tuesday, at 8 weeks. I already have an appointment the week after with my local doctor, so hopefully they will keep monitoring me closely like the fertility folks have.
I have told some of you how much work it takes every day to make sure this little baby gets everything he or she needs to survive. Each morning I take a prenatal vitamin and baby aspirin. The aspirin helps to thin my blood due to my high levels of something called anti-nuclear antibodies which attack my good blood cells. Apparently these ANAs may have kept a good bloodflow from getting to my womb during the first pregnancy. Also each morning I give myself an injection of Heparin (for the same purpose as the aspirin I think) in my stomach. My stomach looks like a war zone - it's absolutely covered in bruises. Because of this, I'm already in maternity clothes (tight clothing causes the bruising to be worse). Finally in the morning I use a gel (take a guess where this goes) that provides extra progesterone.
In the afternoon/evening, my sister-in-law (who is a labor and delivery nurse) comes over and gives me my progesterone injection (because the gel doesn't deliver as much as I need). This is an IM shot (goes in a muscle) so I get it in my hip. The needle is an inch and a half long and the progesterone comes in gel form so it's kind of difficult to inject. Luckily I've only had to give it to myself twice before. When I do it, it goes in my thigh and makes my whole leg hurt for days after. Also in the afternoon/evening I give myself another injection of the Heparin in my stomach. And with my dinner I take Metformin which does something to block my insulin and helps nourish the baby somehow.
Anyway, it took me so long to write all of that up that I've got to go finish getting ready for work in a hurry, but I thought I'd just tell you all of what is going into getting this baby through to August. I don't know how long I'm going to have to do all of this, but I do know it will all be worth it.

You + Me + Baby = Three

This morning a strong, healthy heartbeat from the little life inside me made me wish I never had to work another day - or for that matter, I'd like nothing more than to sit and watch this little one grow for the next seven and a half months! Thanks for your continued prayers and support as our baby prepares for his or her grand entrance in August.
This news is the best late Christmas gift ever!

Just for Fun - Name Game

Geoff and I have been throwing around baby names as long as we've been married, so here are our top three boy and top three girl names:
BOYS
1. William Everett
2. Linwood James
3. Robert Clyde
GIRLS
1. Jane Edith "Edie"
2. Virginia Kathleen "Kate"
3. Martha Claire
(Instead of having a Jr., we're just going to call our kids by their middle names, since their Dad goes by his middle name). They're all family names and I have the hardest time deciding between them. Maybe we'll end up with six - three girls and three boys and I can use them all! (HA!)

The Christmas Post

So this is the obligatory Christmas Post. And probably about time, seeing as my last post hit before Thanksgiving. I will definitely have to post some pictures after Christmas day. Usually I'm more on top of things than this at Christmas. I think, though, my life is a little full at the moment.
We have decorated the tree and indoors. I even put up wreaths outside and a tree on the porch. We had intended to put outdoor lights up this year, but Geoff managed to slice open one of his hands and we spent the day after thanksgiving in the ER. Then he was out of commission for a week and it just didn't happen. Here's hoping for next year!
Geoff's van is coming along, and after two years in the backyard, it's nice to say that it's really, really close to being finished. I know he's as ready as I am to have that project wrapped up.
Speaking of projects, my folks are coming for Christmas, and we always seem to have a project. Well, this Christmas's project is painting my kitchen. Over all of their visits over the past 4 and a half years, we have really done some great work on our home. For those reading this who know my mom, you know she's a project queen, so I'm not being a bad daughter asking for her help on stuff like that - she likes to do this stuff!
Anyway, I hope to post soon, showing off our pretty decorations, unwrapping the Christmas presents, and working on the kitchen among other things. Maybe my new year's resolution should be to post something once a week. I think I can manage in 2009, so stay posted...