Tomorrow, Tomorrow...

We find out tomorrow! If you haven't voted yet, take your pick. I'll post some ultrasound photos tomorrow and if I ever figure out how to do it, one day I might be able to post a video, because my doctor's office is cool enough to offer to film this milestone.
The baby (hence forward to be known by an actual name and a regular he or she and not "heorshe") is the wigglin'est creature known to man. I actually felt the first movement really early, at 15 weeks 6 days. I know different women describe the feeling different ways, but for me, this was nothing like butterflies in my stomach - not in the least. My sister said something about a fish and at times, it does feel just like that, because this baby is doing some serious flips and sommersaults. I described it to Geoff as having a very irregular pounding heart in your belly. It just feels like the baby is pushing around and bumping around in there, and doing flips. And I'm seriously amazed at how often I feel movement. Everyone I've talked to keeps asking if I notice a schedule, and I'm just now getting good at really knowing these are baby movements, so I'm not sure yet. The funny/fun thing is that heorshe jumped yesterday when my coworker slammed a file drawer shut - I guess it was loud enough to startle the baby. Even Geoff is talking to the baby now, something I didn't think he would do much because he's not one to do things that make him feel silly.
On another note, Geoff is home (finally) and he passed his MCSA (Microsoft Certified Systems Administrator) tests. This was a big deal, especially considering he was very sick the entire 8 days of classes and testing. He returned home and went straight to the doctor to discover that he has a pretty good case of pneumonia. He's pretty pitiful, but he and the grandmothers will be coming with me tomorrow to the ultrasound. It's late in the day, so don't expect word here until late tomorrow night. :)

9 Days Seem Like an Eternity

Geoff had to go on a work trip today for training. He' s not too far away, but he'll be gone for more than a week. It's only been a few hours so far, but I'm already missing him like CRAZY. And I'm glad to know how much he's missing me too. I went online tonight and ordered him a fruit and goodies basket from Harry and David to go to his hotel room. I didn't want to pay for overnight delivery, but splurged on 2-day so he'll get it Tuesday. I also hid some little surprizes in his suitcase.
It's so nice to be so in love with each other more than five years after we married. We've built such a comforting wonderful home together that neither of us can stay away for long.
I am also thrilled to discover that my mom is coming to be my companion for the duration of Geoff's trip. So I have to get through tonight on my own (with, of course, Colson and Soozie standing guard), but mom will keep me sane after that.
I'd better get to bed now, though. This switch to daylight savings will catch up with me tomorrow I'm sure!

Sometimes It's Just the Right Song

Will post more later, but I'm off on a date with my hubs. UNBELIEVABLE SONG!

Our Hope Endures - Natalie Grant

(See lyrics below or watch video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1mu3F0dQz0)

You would think only so much can go wrong
Calamity only strikes once
And you assume that this one has suffered her share
Life will be kinder from here

Sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear
But our hope endures the worst of conditions I
t's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our hope is unchanged

How do we comprehend peace within pain
Our joy at a good man's wake
Walk a mile with a woman whose body is torn
With illness but she marches on

Sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear
But our hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our hope is unchanged

Emanuel, God is with us
El Shaddai, all sufficient
Emanuel, God is with us
El Shaddai, all sufficient
Emanuel, God is with us
El Shaddai, all sufficient
We never walk alone
This is our hope

Our hope endures, the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
let the earth quake
let the earth quake
let the earth quake
Our hope is unchanged

15 Week Milestone

My favorite milestone thus far:
This week my baby can distinguish two sounds from other noises - the sound of my heart and the sound of my voice. It will be almost another two weeks before he or she will hear daddy's voice, but he can't wait to startle the baby so that I can tell him if I think the baby jumped.

Grief Counseling

I've found myself in a new role in the last several months, and especially in the past few weeks - the role of grief counselor. I don't know how many of you have held the hand of a friend that you have poured your life into for some time and now have to watch die. I can tell you that I never would have thought that at 28 years old I would be watching this happen to a friend of mine.
In the midst of my caring for Rosemary, I found something online that I thought was helpful to me and might be of use to someone else who is walking a path of loss with a friend or family member.

• Companioning is about learning from others; it is not about teaching them.
• Companioning is about walking alongside; it is not about leading.
• Companioning is about being still; it is not about frantic movement forward.
• Companioning is about discovering the gifts of sacred silence; it is not about filling every painful moment with words.
• Companioning is about listening with the heart; it is not about analyzing with the head.
• Companioning is about bearing witness to the struggles of others; it is not about directing those struggles.
• Companioning is about being present to another person’s pain; it is not about taking away the pain.
• Companioning is about respecting disorder and confusion; it is not about imposing order and logic.
• Companioning is about going to the wilderness of the soul with another human being; it is not about thinking you are responsible for finding the way out.

This list serves as a reminder to me that I can't fix anything for Rosemary or for her children and that it is not my job to do this even if I could. My job is to listen and to hold her hand and to cry with her and to laugh with her and to listen to her and to talk to her. My mom calls this carrying her to Jesus.
It is hard to watch anyone die, but a 29 year old who was full of life a year ago presents a special case. She talks about celebrating her 30th birthday and about seeing her 14 year old graduate from high school one day. She talks about getting her preemie baby home from the hospital and making up for valuable lost time. I don't often know what to say when all evidence points to the fact that the number of her days may barely be in the double digits.
It is not that I don't believe in miracles. I don't think it is a question of my faith... I think some things just are what they are.
I have been reading Hannah Hurnard's Hinds Feet on High Places and it has been a great book to read as I walk through this with Rosemary. I have really caught hold of the idea of becoming God's handmaiden named "Acceptance with Joy." It is about choosing to say not that I don't believe that God could change my circumstances, but that whatever He chooses to do, I will accept it and accept it with joy. What a victory it would be if one day, be it tomorrow or in 20 or 50 or 70 years, I could face my own death with acceptance and with joy. For now, I just try to carry Rosemary to Jesus. We appreciate your prayers through all of this.

In Like A Lion

So March came in like a lion. We spent Saturday holed up in our hallway with Colson and Soozie, listening to the tornado sirens and watching the rain come down. It was something like 75 degrees or more outside all day and it poured rain all morning. This ruined our plans to go to Birmingham to see our godson who is still in the hospital but doing well. I did go visit Rosemary that afternoon when the weather cleared and we watched a movie and I held her hand while the hospice nurse talked to her.

We heard there would be snow on Sunday but I didn't believe it. Sure enough, I woke at 6 am and peeked outside and saw it coming down. It was a true snowstorm with thunder and all. And we had close to 6" on the ground by the day's end. It snowed from early that morning until around 3 in the afternoon.

We took a walk in the snow with our nephews and neices. Matthew kept rolling enormous snowballs and carrying them around with him.

No one was more excited about the snow than Matthew- except perhaps Colson and Soozie who really enjoyed trying to catch the snow when we threw it in the air.

Geoff ended the day by building a good sized snowman.

The only downside to the snow was getting it on a weekend and not getting an extra day off work. Oh well, beggars can't be choosers, right?