My Sunshine

I had been thinking over this post all weekend when I noticed my sister wrote something similar this morning. I was thinking about what a stabalizing force she has always been in my life and how rare and neat it is to count your sister as your best friend.
Some of my earliest memories still make me smile and laugh. I remember her teaching me the words to "You are my sunshine" when we lived on Pennsylvania in Shreveport (I wasn't even 5 years old). I remember standing on the edge of the double bed we shared and falling backwards playing "TIMBER." I remember her pretending that she could fall asleep in 10 seconds and me trying to wake her up (she was such a good faker I could push her to the floor before she'd get mad enough to stick her tongue out at me).
I remember watching her through the glass doors as she played with Dylan on our jungle gym when I wasn't "cool enough" to hang out with them. But I also remember her sticking up for me on our walk to school when someone was picking on me. I remember her driving me to school and us getting lost during one of the first ice storms in Birmingham. I remember us sitting in the senior parking lot and her telling me to stop listening to depressing music because she was worried about me (It was her tape of Pearl Jam, but she was right).
She was the reason I had a date to prom my senior year. My date's grandma died and a friend of hers took me and I had a wonderful time! She included me in college, we got to know each other better. I remember when my grandmother's second husband died how she and I drove together and listened to Jim Brickman and how it felt funny to be as old as we were.
We fought alot, but I had her there to fight with, and that was always more important. We tattled too much, but we still somehow found it in ourselves to trust each other again, and I would still trust her with my life. We moved so much that I am just glad I was never totally alone. Sometimes people are lucky enough to find a friend who becomes a sort of sister. I have been lucky enough to have a sister who has become (and always was) my friend.

Dickonsonian Day

For years I have had a picture on the wall in my bedroom. The frame is cheap and the picture is of a teddy bear. On it is my favorite poem of all time, Emily Dickonson's "I Shall Not Live in Vain."
If I can stop one heart from breaking
I shall not live in vain
If I can ease one life the aching
or cool one pain
Or help one fainting robin
Until his nest again
I shall not live in vain.
I know I don't have any punctuation right, but you get the gist.
Well, yesterday I got to have a Dickinsonian Day. I helped a little guy named Gabe. Gabe is a pit bull that some folks found a few months ago living on his own in the B'ham area. He has suffered a lot, judging by his excessive scarring and gunshot shards and bb's still lodged and seen on x-rays. And despite all of that, he is a doll. Anyone who has spent even a few minutes with him has fallen in love. This morning Gabe is in surgery. He is have a face lift, hopefully to put his lip back where it belongs so that he won't look like he's snarling because Gabe doesn't snarl.
I'll update with some new pics of Gabe later this week when I get a chance to go and see him in recovery.
If you're reading this for some reason and you want to help Gabe, go to www.turtlemoonrescue.org and you can donate to help cover his boarding and surgery costs...

Double the Certified, Double the Fun!

Another positive post for my #1 man. Today he passed the second leg of his microsoft certification!!!

YEAH FOR MY HUB!!!

Geoff passed his first Microsoft Certification test this morning on his first attempt! He's got one more test to take tomorrow, but I'm so proud I just had to go ahead and brag on him a little. (I knew he could do it)!

Changes

One of the most intimidating words in the English language is change. It's a word that means work, struggle, letting go, learning. And its most fearful context is in relationships. My husband is out of town working on Microsoft Certification training and testing and I have been trying to use this time by myself to work on change for our marriage. Most of the changes I have looked at making have been minor, but one has been major.
For the past four years, I have been looking at my marriage as an opportunity to change my husband. I made the mistake of marrying potential instead of reality. Not that the reality of who he was wasn't great, but that I was looking more at what he could be. Hardly a week has gone by that I haven't found some opportunity to point out to him some little or big change he could make that would improve our marriage. Anything from iron your clothes! to buy a new car!
I've got to admit this constant flow of criticism has changed our relationship a lot -- but not for the better. The clothes remain un-ironed, he still drives an old gas-guzzler clunker. What has changed is my attitude toward my marriage and my husband.
Suddenly something as small as the cabinet door being left open creates a crisis for me. I begin to say, he asked for the cabinet with a closed door, but he always leaves it open! He must do it to annoy me. He doesn't appreciate that I chose the cabinet he liked over the one that I liked. He is totally careless. He endangers others (I could hit my head on that open cabinet door if I am not paying attention). And the ultimate conclusion - if he doesn't love me enough to do something as simple as close the cabinet door, then maybe I shouldn't be married to him anymore.
Sadly enough, this has become the story of our relationship. Now, I know enough about dealing with bipolar disorder to know that some of my overreaction in situations like these is directly related to my disorder. But I am also learning that I have become a negative spirit in our marriage. By constantly focusing on changing my husband, I have neglected my own need for change.
Even though I am not an alcoholic, my counselor is always reminding me of the serenity prayer. One of my hardest life lessons is to learn the difference between what I have control over and what I have little or no control over. My steady drip of change... change... change... does nothing for my husband or for me except to exasperate us both. I have been trying to control things that are not under my control, namely my husband.
So my change, if I can succeed in implementing it is to stop listing the changes I want in my husband and start noticing changes I can make in me. I know this is more easily said than done, but I have discovered a tried and true recipe for success.
Scripture tells us that the provider of our needs is God - that he will not give us more than we can bear, that he will not give us rocks when we ask for bread, that his eye is on the sparrow and he cares for us to an even greater amount. Jesus reminds us to ask our Father God daily to provide for our basic needs.
The big change I am trying to make is this: when I see a change, little or big, that I want to make in my husband, I am going to give it to God as a request. Instead of saying, Hub, why can't you get a new (safer/more economical) car?! I will pray, God, provide safe transport for my family today. God is responsible for my daily needs - if he wants to provide for me in the form of my husband's beat-up old van, so be it. Who am I to question God?
Lord, grant me the serenity...

She's not Nixon, but we love her anyway

Geoff, Colson, Irving, and I welcomed Soozie into our lives a few months ago. I have had several complaints that folks haven't gotten to see pics of this beautiful girl, so here she is. Soozie is brindle and white, a full American Pit Bull Terrier. If you read my earlier post about Colson, you'll know that Geoff largely influenced me to investigate this fantastic breed of dog.
Soozie came to us because of my involvement with Turtle Moon Rescue - the Pit Bull Rescue group in Alabama. I began working with them as a coordinator/planner of their events back in March and it doesn't take long to find another pit to fall in love with when you work with them on a daily basis. I won't say too much about Soozie online as she was a confiscation from a cruelty case and I don't wish her to be found. She's a real joy of a dog, and she's Colson's favorite cuddle buddy now.
But I can tell you honestly, I don't want a Nixon or a Shapiro to join Colson. Calamity Soo is more than enough dog for one family, and having a pair is more than I ever want as far as dogs go in my small house! (Somewhere Geoff is seconding this opinion).