Don't Look a Gyn-Nurse in the Mouth and other Stories...

From April of 2008
(I arrive at the doctor's office and am taken back to the weigh-in and vitals area.)

Nurse: Have you felt the baby move at all?
Me: Um, what?!? I miscarried and had a D&C last week.
Nurse: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't read your chart.

From July of 2009
(I call the doctor's office because they haven't called me about bloodwork they had run last week regarding medications and some potential problems with blood platelets/anemia and such.)

Day 1 Call 1
Nurse 1: Hi, I had a note to call you but wasn't sure why.
Me: Well, I had bloodwork done last Wednesday and hadn't heard back. I continue to feel pretty cruddy and wanted to know if you could tell me what the bloodwork says.
Nurse 1: Hmm, what labs were these? I see some tests for you in April...
Me: (again) I had several tests run last Wednesday, July 8th.
Nurse 1: What sort of tests, do you know?
Me: Blood platelet count, anemia test and something with my thyroid. I have been having problems with fatigue and headaches and I'm a heparin patient so the doctor wanted to check several things.
Nurse 1: (again) Well I see test results for you in April. I don't see anything else.
Me: Well you took several vials of blood from me last week and I'm feeling pretty cruddy. Can you please have the doctor call me with the results of the bloodwork today?
Nurse 1: I'll have to have someone call you. I can't locate the bloodwork.
(NOONE CALLS)

Day 2 Call 2
(Call occurs an hour and a half after I called the office to ask why no one had called me.)

Nurse 2: Hi, I had a note to call you, but I wasn't sure why. Can you tell me what's going on?
Me: Well, I called earlier because I was told yesterday that your office had misplaced some bloodwork for me and no one called me back even though they said they would.
Nurse 2: Someone misplaced your bloodwork?
Me: That's what I was told.
Nurse 2: Well, what sort of tests did you have run? Wait - I see a thyroid test from last week - is that what you're looking for?
Me: That was one of the tests.
Nurse 2: Everything looks good on this test. Your thyroid looks good.
Me: Well I had two other tests run at the same time - a blood platelet count and a test for anemia/iron.
Nurse 2: Oh - I see those too. Everything looks good. Platelet count is normal, red blood cell and white blood cells are all normal and fine.
Me: And that's all on my chart - I wonder why the nurse yesterday said they had misplaced the bloodwork?
Nurse 2: I'm not sure. Is that all you needed?
Me: Well, I'm glad everything checks out as far as the bloodwork is concerned, but I'm still having a real problem with headaches. I've been taking Tylenol every 4 hours but can't seem to make them go away.
Nurse 2: Do you have a regular physician you could call?
Me: Well I suppose I could do that.
Nurse 2: Are you on birth control?
[Crickets chirp for 10 seconds]
Me: I AM EIGHT MONTHS PREGNANT!
Nurse 2: Oh, I didn't read your chart before I called.
Me: Obviously. Well, thanks anyway. Click.

Day 2 Call 3
(Occurs about 5 minutes after I hung up with the last nurse)
Nurse 3: Hi this is {name} from your doctor's office. Are you okay, hon?
Me: Well, I guess so. I'm really frustrated with how I've been handled by your nursing staff.
Nurse 3: Well I can understand that. This is certainly not the kind of service we want to be known for. Do you want me to work you in today? You can see another doctor this afternoon.
Me: The bloodwork was normal and the baby is moving and seems to be doing great, so I guess not. I don't think there's anything that can be done for these headaches. They appear to be blood pressure related and since I'm not pre-eclampsic I guess I'll just ride it out.
Nurse 3: I would like to work you in if it would make you feel better. In the meanwhile put your feet up and reduce your stress. Call me in the morning and ask for me by name if you're still not feeling well.
Me: Okay, thanks.

*SIGH* This can't just be me, can it???